finally got around to opening up an online poker account. it wasn't easy, because there are so many blocks for americans. thought it might be a good way to develop patience and make a little side money.

i don't have a lot in there. started out with several hundred. made $250 the first two nights. then lost $400 in a baaad night. took a 5-day break because of my frustration. then made $350 in about an hour not long ago.

i don't want to be spewing some sun tzu shit, but there's actually a lot of life lessons that can be learned from hitting these tables. off the top of my head, i can think of 3:


1. Rich people are more fun to play with

So you know my story: I'm a poor dude who's met a lot of wealthy and middle class friends because of my private high school ($16,000/yr), going to college, and shmoozing with Koreans in Korea (a generally affluent country). I've also known poor people from living in ghettos. And here's the truth: rich people are funner to be friends with.

The thing with poor fucks is that a lot of them are too worried about money. I play on tables with $.25/$.50 blinds, and people are so uptight that I can't win money. Maybe $5 an hour would be exceptional. FUCK. Go on the $2/$4 blind tables however, and people will throw money around. They'll put $100 into the pop before the flop without hesitation, if they have a decent hand. In about an hour, I saw 10 pots over $300. Meanwhile, a player on the $.10/$.25 table almost cried because I bully-bet her and she lost $20.

The difference between rich and poor is this: rich people can lose some money without feeling bad, because they have a lot more or will earn more of it. And in the same way in real life, rich people will gladly invite you to their house, throw a party, or pick up a tab. Cause they're rich, bitch!, and they can afford to throw money around.



2. Patience is key

A war is not won through a single battle, but through many. You can apply the same logic to profits in stocks, solid relationships, weight-loss, and accumulating wealth: these things happen over a period of time, not overnight. If you start playing cards that are shit because you're bored and want some action, prepare to lose money. but if you sit through the shit, you have to eventually find some gold, whether it's little by little, or it suddenly. Cause when you look back, folding and waiting for 3 hours to for a good hand to win you $40 is better than fucking around and netting nothing.



3. Fuck your emotions

I know emotions are important to being human... but do they really help us all that much? How many times have you made poor decisions because you were "in love", or said something dumb that hurt someone when you were pissed off, or had sex without contraception because you were horny like a rabbit on ecstasy?

In regards to money, a lot of people follow this trend: when they're winning money, they want to be safe, but when they're losing money, they take more risks (aka chasing losses). That, my friend, is a good formula for losing money and becoming that broke, drunk dude on the crap tables at 4am at the Golden Nugget Casino.

Losing money at poker hurts. Even if it's $10. What hurts even more is losing $50 in addition because you got a bad beat on the river, thought it was bullshit, and wanted to avenge your bank account.

So, fuck your emotions. They won't help you here.





Don't think poker is some life lesson though. Just from my perspective, I feel there's a lot to be taught.

This is what my blog is for: putting down the odd thoughts that pass through my head.

I was in the middle of dropping the boys off at the pool, when I realized it wasn't coming out -- this was a monster.

I kept pushing for several minutes, but this brown fellow would not budge. I was scared actually. I thought it might be stuck. I thought my internal organs might be harmed by all this pushing. I was afraid this might rip open my butt hole. I was thinking, "is this what giving birth is like?" Of course, this would be a junior, junior version.

So, like a fatigued to-be-mother, wanting to get it all over with, I finally gave it one, last, huge push. And out it came. Looking back at it (I'm not sure if everyone looks at their poop), I estimated that it was almost a foot long! Like a subway sandwich!

Then I was thinking how cool of a story this would be: "Yo, did I ever tell you about my foot-long doodie?" But that would be inappropriate.